beauty in meaninglessness

from dawn till now have i seek the real, clear to reason for the true point of life. for long have i thought, i once believe that life has no meaning, it is just the humanity want to maintain its sanity by inventing the meaning of life. neither question nor answer can i fathom. but then one great thing crossed my mind - to live is to be beauty in meaninglessness- thats what came to my mind when i was busy struggling to find my own meaning.. to continue existence without any clear goal to pursue.

wait, are we aiming to pursue happiness? how can i describe happiness? is it a childish imagination of vanity and infatuation? i like using these words, its the only word how i can describe happiness. from my perspective, humanity only have suffering and guilty. happiness doesn't exist originally, its a feeling or more like our desire to imagine the aftermath of excruciation. how could i dare to say to live is to be happy when happiness only came after suffering. to live in happiness alone is impossible because of the equilibrium with suffering. and so, the main reason to live is not to be happy. it is still the ultimate question.

or maybe to live is to be in balance, to exist in equilibrium. as the yin yang has shown and most people believe. if we agree the meaning of life is to stay persist in existence by the law of equilibrium, then we are all agree that we live in a circle, because equilibrium is a system which is attained between acting forces in this world, just like our solar system for example. i still remember in our Philosophy class, we learned about dualism by Rene Descartes. the dualism concept is the same as in equilibrium, to balance and control each acting forces.

but i believe in Oneness concept. i believe we live to fulfill the responsibility to the God who created us. i try to read and understand the instruction manual, the Quran. for decades have i stood in this world, i have seen how much the Quran guide our people, our humanity. i try then to imagine how will this world be without religion, only inauspicious tragedy came to my mind and then humanity will get outrage and all what we expect was the meaning of life; equilibrium, balance and happiness will vanish and so the humanity. and so, whatever angle or any spectrum we try to find the answer of the reason to live, it will all go crumble if we opt out the religion as the prime mover of our existence.

my life is my own philosophy. its much like myself, as to be created. nobody can determine it. thats the meaning of life, whatever meaning i want to give it.